In my younger years writing poems was an emotional outlet for me. I would simply grab my notebook and write, almost unconsciously. It was as if the pen knew what I needed and I trusted it without reserve. I’ve wanted to share some of my writings before but felt like I needed to formally introduce you to this other side of me. I was waiting for the right moment, the right time and recently, I realized something. There isn’t going to be right moment or time, in fact there doesn’t need to be; I just have to go for it. This is me going for it.
While this isn’t a poem, I wrote it when I was trying to put together a post but simply couldn’t concentrate on the subject matter. I was so conflicted that I didn’t write anything for a couple of months because my heart and mind weren’t in sync. This year dealt me many challenges and heartaches and as I read these words again tonight, I could think of nothing more I’d rather do, than share it with you, my ride or dies.
I hope you enjoy my latest piece, Missing You.
I’ve once again left you without a dope beat to step to and I’m all in my feelings about it. A day doesn’t go by that I don’t think about you, wonder how you’re doing, if everything is okay. I’ve tried so hard to make a note of everything I need to express, but I’m struggling to get my thoughts onto this digital paper. This is more like an overload than writer’s block. I’m playing a never-ending game of mental tug-a-war and it’s anyone’s guess who the victor will be.
Can you accept me for me?
My heart tells me the answer is yes, but it doesn’t make the trepidation dissipate; my nerves are no more settled. You deserve better than this and I can’t promise more than what I’m presently giving. If only my energy could match my potential; I could take over the world with you by my side. It’s a delightful dream crushed by the pressures of life and it’s all I can do to take care of my daily priorities without being pushed into state of incoherence.
Even as I take a deep breathe, I find myself back in the vortex of guilt trying to ascertain how to convert my time into a sequel so that me and you remain active and stop entering passive reality. I need you to understand what’s keeping me from flipping the switch and going nocturnal. I refuse to slink in the streets although I find myself roaming the shadows, daring the world to see me for me.
Acceptance is in the air we breathe.
It’s what I cling to. Knowing that when the clouds break and the sun shines it’s rays on me, you’ll be there smiling, singing, welcoming me back into our little cocoon. Our happy place full of love, laughter, and joy. I hate that circumstance causes me to doubt our ability to build our bridge again. Can we really get back to that? Our little world of exploration and delight.
Will you stand with me, promising to not give up without a fight? These are the things that keep me up at night.
I’ll see you around the city soon.